Helping an Aging Parent
Stop Driving
One of the hardest caregiving conversations is realizing someone you love may no longer be safe behind the wheel.
This is not just about keys. It is about independence, dignity, safety, family conflict and the painful moment when love has to become practical.
Start with the Warning Signs Get the Free WorkbookThis conversation is bigger than driving
For many older adults, driving represents freedom. It means they can go to the store, see friends, get to appointments and feel like they still have control over their own life.
That is why families often wait too long. Nobody wants to be the bad guy. Nobody wants the fight. Nobody wants to make a parent feel small.
But when reaction time slows, confusion increases, vision changes, pain affects movement, medications cause dizziness or neuropathy affects the feet, driving can become dangerous fast.
Warning signs an aging parent may not be safe to drive
Physical signs
- Trouble turning the neck or checking blind spots
- Slow reaction time
- Weakness, tremors or poor coordination
- Foot pain, neuropathy or loss of sensation
- Recent falls or balance issues
Cognitive signs
- Getting lost on familiar routes
- Confusion at intersections
- Forgetting destinations or appointments
- Difficulty following directions
- Increased anxiety while driving
Driving signs
- New dents, scrapes or close calls
- Drifting between lanes
- Running stop signs or missing signals
- Driving too slowly or unpredictably
- Other people no longer feel safe riding with them
How to start the conversation without making it worse
Do not start with, “You need to stop driving.” That usually triggers defensiveness immediately.
Start with concern, not control. Use specific observations instead of accusations.
The more specific you are, the harder it is for the conversation to become a vague argument about independence.
Practical steps before taking the keys
1. Document what you see
Write down dates, incidents, symptoms, near misses, medication changes, confusion, falls and concerns. Patterns matter.
2. Bring in the doctor
Ask whether vision, neuropathy, medications, cognition, pain, balance or reaction time could affect driving safety.
3. Offer alternatives first
Do not remove driving without replacing it. Set up rides, delivery, family schedules, senior transport or ride-share support.
4. Make it about safety
Keep the focus on protecting them and others, not on proving they are old, stubborn or incapable.
5. Get family aligned
If siblings disagree, solve that first. Mixed messages make the situation worse and give everyone room to avoid the hard decision.
6. Know your state options
Some situations may require medical review, driving evaluation or DMV involvement. Check your state rules before a crisis.
How to Ask the California DMV to Review an Unsafe Driver
You cannot personally cancel another adult’s driver’s license. However, if you have specific reasons to believe someone can no longer drive safely, you can ask the California DMV to reevaluate that person’s ability to drive.
Age alone is not a reason for DMV action. Focus on the medical conditions, changes in judgment and unsafe driving behaviors you have actually observed.
Step 1: Document the safety concerns
Write down specific incidents, including dates when possible. Examples include getting lost on familiar roads, driving through a stop sign, confusing the gas and brake pedals, drifting between lanes, unexplained vehicle damage, delayed reactions or becoming disoriented in traffic.
Step 2: Complete DMV Form DS 699
Complete and sign the California DMV’s Request for Driver Reexamination (DS 699). Include the driver’s identifying information and describe the medical, cognitive, vision, physical or driving concerns as clearly and factually as possible.
Download California DMV Form DS 699
Step 3: Request confidentiality if needed
The form must be signed or DMV will not consider it. You may check the confidentiality box and ask DMV not to reveal your name to the driver. DMV says confidentiality will be honored to the fullest extent possible, but it is not an absolute guarantee.
Step 4: Send the completed form
The quickest statewide option listed on the current form is to email it to DMVLADDSOffice@dmv.ca.gov. You may also mail it to the appropriate Driver Safety office:
(north of Fresno County)
Sacramento Driver Safety
4700 Broadway, 2nd Floor
Sacramento, CA 95820-1501
(south of Fresno County)
El Segundo Driver Safety
390 N. Pacific Coast Highway, Suite 2075
El Segundo, CA 90245-4470
What happens after the report is submitted?
Filing the form does not automatically take away someone’s license. DMV reviews the information and decides what happens next. DMV may:
- Request medical information from the driver or their physician
- Conduct a telephone or in-person reexamination
- Require a vision, knowledge or behind-the-wheel test
- Place restrictions on the license
- Issue a limited-term license or require future reevaluations
- Suspend or revoke driving privileges when necessary
- Take no action if DMV determines the person can drive safely
Do not wait for DMV when there is immediate danger. If the person is currently driving and poses an urgent threat to themselves or the public, contact local law enforcement or 911.
Questions about the reexamination process may be directed to the California DMV Driver Safety Branch at 833-543-7703.
Free Caregiving Workbook
Download the free In-Between Season Workbook™ to organize medications, appointments, questions, care notes and family responsibilities.
Get the Free WorkbookDo not just take away driving. Replace the function of driving.
A parent may say they are angry about the car, but underneath that may be fear. Fear of being trapped. Fear of needing help. Fear of becoming invisible.
Before the conversation, build a real transportation plan.
Medical visits
Assign who handles appointments, pickup times, doctor notes and follow-up questions.
Food and supplies
Use grocery delivery, pharmacy delivery, meal support or a weekly family errand plan.
Social connection
Make sure they still have rides to church, friends, family events, haircuts and routines that matter.
When the family does not agree
This is where many families get stuck. One person sees the danger clearly. Another says, “He’s fine.” Someone else does not want the conflict. Meanwhile, the aging parent keeps driving because nobody wants to force the issue.
That is not a plan. That is avoidance.